I feel like I don’t have my life in order.
I failed at my goal of drawing every day for a month, and that is a thing I like. Doing the things I don’t like is even harder. My house is a mess, and I feel like my life is a mess. Sure, I’m allowed some wallowing time after my breakup but at some point I have got to stop hiding in Gilmore Girls episodes and get back to enjoying my life, right? I just don’t know how to do that.
I had a roll of film in my Diana that I took forever to fill up, and after it was full it lived in my bag for a while before I got it developed. And with this black and grey 120 film eventually light starts to leak through the paper. I don’t know if I like the effect, but I feel it illustrates where I’m at right now. It’s messy and that fits.
I know everybody feels overwhelmed at some points in their lives, and we all sometimes feel like we’re just playing at adulthood without knowing what the hell we’re doing. And even though I am still sad about losing a relationship that meant so much to me for a very long time, I do at times have fun and I should keep those moments in my heart. It’s just a little much some times.
The weather is now not so cold as in the above photo anymore, and I will restart my draw every day for a month goal. I have to trust that eventually I’ll get a grip on my life again. slowly and unrhythmically, but It’ll get better.
It’s okay to have to hide for a while, as long as I come out of hiding at some point.